Construction Zone

April 1st- Colossians 2:9-10 I am complete in Christ.
April 2nd Hebrew 4:14-16 I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ.
April 3rd Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances.
April 4th Romans 8:31-39 I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.
April 5th 2Tim 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.

these past weeks there have been many things going through me that - well I am not sure if they relate to this makeup fast directly or not-

I have been in some what of a spiritual slump- a dessert of sorts and I couldn't figure out why- well still can't- but i found myself angry like i expected God to talk to me every day or give me joy- I mean come on I'm giving up makeup- It has been extremely frustrating- but I have realized that this fast has caused me to seek more- to look for his assurance -which makes his silence all the more frustrating...

I was in a frustrated mood- and when I am stressed or have extra emotions I take a walk or a run- as i was walking the day was unusually warm and the sun was just setting - I was on a street which normally has many cars but for a split second it was silent- peaceful "this is what I want to give you"
"what?"
but there was nothing else- my mind started wheeling- this whole time I have not just been- I go about talking and talking expecting God to interrupt- when sometimes we need to just be still and listen- relaxing and experiencing peace-

I have started to listen- and with peace has come unsettledness in other areas of my life that I see God working on- that is hard- to have some many areas pointed out as needing repair... but I guess once again its like having a house that looks nice on the outside- in fact it has a new coat of paint- but on the inside there are termites eating at things and mold under the carpets- you can only ignore problems for so long- this house is going under reconstruction- caution I'm liable to crash at any moment.

so- yes its hard- but I challenge you to be silent and just listen....

the velveteen rabbit- or how toys become real

Dear readers,
I apologize profusely for not keeping up- I could give you a myriad of excuses- but I won't-
I will also not fill you in on everything just my main points of the last week and a half??
as I have forgotten my daily findings- but I do remember the important points!

- the 17th Philippians 1:6 I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me.
- the 18th Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven.
this one is such a sense of belonging for me - I do have a permanent place ...
- the 19th 2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind.
- I love this verse so much that I had to put it in here-
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.
I love that we are called through Christ's power to be powerful to have love, and to be disciplined
- the 20th 1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.
Satan is such a bugger- this verse always sends me back to being a child of god - to being protected- I am so thankful I serve a God of power- repeat you are a child of God and the evil one can not touch you- don't let him tease you either- I fall into that so much especially with thoughts about my self worth- which are not of God!

I am significant...
-the 21st John 15:5 I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life.
-the 22nd John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit.
- the 23rd 1 Corinthians 3:16 I am God's temple.
- that is something beautiful!
- the 24th 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I am a minister of reconciliation for God.
reconciliation, with God, others, his earth and myself...
- the 25th Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm.
- the 26th Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship.
YAaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
- the 27th Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence.
- the 28th Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

- this last week and a half I am picking out the verses and sayings that stuck out to me, the hard ones and the most encouraging ones...

- the 29th - John 1:12-I am God's child. ( love this one! first repeat- so encouraging)
- the 30th- 1st Corinthians 6:19-20-I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.- this is one I really struggle with- am I actually worth the price he paid- and understanding that there is nothing I can do to make myself more worth it.
- the 31st- Colossians 1:13-14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins.- this includes my sins of self loathing...

As the last week of my fast from makeup draws near- Next Sunday I'm done- I feel like I have learned so much and so little all at the same time- questions have been answered but have also created so many more questions-
it has been a strange, hard, stretching, challenging, tear jerking, laughter filled 30 days...
I recently heard someone speak about the lent season and how 40 days can change a lot of things if you let God use you- in the bible we have so many examples of 40 days that change people- A 40-something time period, whether days, months, or years is ALWAYS a period of testing, trial, probation, or chastisement (but not judgment) and ends with a period of restoration, revival or renewal.
Noah and the ark, the Israelites spies in Canaan, the Israelites wandering, moses on the mountain, Jesus being tested ...

I am really looking forward to the end- but at the same time I will miss this time of learning- and yes learning can occur with make up on- but I think one seems so much more real when they are ugly- ugly to themselves and to today's culture- when the only mirror that makes you look good is your savior-
which brings me to the velveteen rabbit- I am currently studying theatre and for my final project this year- I have to create a solo show- the velveteen rabbit keeps striking a chord because it talks about these issues in a way a child can understand them- I recommend reading it highly and finding those little nuggets of truth buried deep under the poetic story of one rabbits journey to being real- it always makes me think of my spiritual journey towards trying to be authentic -
this excerpt between the main character and a very wise friend is sorta where I am feeling

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up, or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." The Skin Horse smiled, "once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

Another big issue that I have realized- I have a problem with judging- not just me but others- I immediately think that other people think I don't look good, or I'm stupid- when in actual fact people aren't even thinking about me- so self centered- which just brings me right back to I need to stop thinking about me me me me ...

As a long distance track runner the last lap around the track was always the hardest- which is slightly disarming seeing the first 3/4 wasn't a walk in the park... but I will press on and try to finish strong-

until tomorrow- hopefully
keep being beautiful- keep looking in the right mirror ( wow cheesy)

sorry

sorry I have had such an amazingly busy week- I will fill you all in this weekend about love, makeup, and the velveteen rabbit....

Where is the Justice?

"Where is the justice?" I cried!

It was Sunday- I was able to wear makeup again- and of course something would happen that would cause me to cry it all off- the irony.

This Sunday I opted for just foundation and mascara- who knew that that was all you needed?
I find I no longer crave any other makeup than just those two basics- oh cravings...

I am hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:1-4

¹Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ²Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. ³For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.⁴When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

I absolutely love this verse! - it takes my mind off myself and puts it on God - it is probably a life verse of mine. it is such a great promise ! It makes troubles here on earth seem so small to me ... and makes my end reward seem that much greater- yaaaaa

Zits and Cover-up

I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. Romans 8:31-39

I got my hair cut today - I feel like a new woman! Ladies treat yourselves, love yourselves...

I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God. 2Corinthians 1:21-22

Never separated from the love of God

Friday- Last night I cried myself to sleep over petty life issues- woke up with puffy darkened eyes, and a pimple smack in the middle of my forehead- of course it would pop up in a place where I can't cover it with hair - all I wanted was my cover-up and a bit of mascara-

I couldn't look at myself and say I was beautiful- it was like I was handed the go back 10 spaces card in the game of life and self acceptance...

As the day wore on it just went horrendous...but I made it through the day...

I have been established, anointed and sealed by God. 2Corithians 1:21-22

Saturday- today was much better- no dark circles, no puffy eyes, but still that zit-sigh we can't all be perfect...

My most supportive and amazing boyfriend asked if he could take me out on a nice dinner date- horrified at goign somewhere nice with no make up I started to refuse but he insisted that he wanted to take me out even if I wasn't wearing my makeup.

So I dressed up, did my hair, and put on no makeup. By the end of the meal I had forgotten- I felt beautiful and cherished.

As I thought about this I wondered why I felt so loved by a man and not by God- I wish I could have more moments like this- spured on by thoughts of God- I want to float on cloud nine when I think of how God makes me feel.

hmmm still pondering... and feeling beautiful.

So these next few verses and statement s have to deal with being SECURE- finding our security for who we are in Christ.

Day 11- I am free from condemnation. Romans 8:1-2

I just realized I am 1/4 of the way done- its amazing to see how far I have come-

sorry ladies once again no revelation, but it is crazy to look back and see jsut how far I have come- from screaming and kicking NO- to realizing that its not just about outside beauty- I can't wait to see what the next 30 days will bring- wait did I just say I am excited to see what another 30 days of no makeup will bring? That's right check out that change in me!!!

So my challenge is- try it- try it for one day- for one week- just see what difference it makes in you-

till tomorrow then lovelies- remember you are accepted and secure in Christ!

Extreme Makeover of the Inside

Day 10- Tuesday
I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:14-16
¹⁴Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.

¹⁵For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.

¹⁶Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

This has got to be one of my favorite verses- group of verses in the bible- it is so freeing- I love the Christ can sympathize with MY weaknesses- that he was also tempted in areas that I was-
I know he was not tempted to wear makeup or anything - but he was tempted to do things that would please man over His heavenly Father- but he didn't back down! And because he didn't back down - I have access to the throne of my Creator! And my access to that throne is so that I can have mercy and grace when I need it! yaaaaaaaa!!!!

okay so today- well yesturday- I had no devine revelations- no voice of God in my head - but I did see swimsuits for sale- and the thought of trying one on almost made me sick- To early- I am obviously not there yet- course I have never met one girl who likes trying on swimsuits -

I am finding it easier and easier each morning to look in the mirror and hear myself say tha tI am beautiful- but the harder part for me has been believing things about my character- my inner beauty - My fear with having make up has made me realize that I have tried to use my outer beauty to cover up for the lack of beauty I have on the inside- people will just look at my face and not realize that I'm ugly on the inside- things that I should deal with, pride, judgment , insecurities, fears, lies and hurts have all been pushed under the surface boiling into a big black mess- If I look good on the outside- no one will see how icky I am on the inside- right?

I realize that yes- God finds aspects of me beautiful- but I am ugly- there are things on the inside that need a good scrubing.

So what areas in your life need scrubbing? What have you been using your outer beauty to cover up?